Book Report - Fight Club and reclaiming masculinity.

Brad Pitt - Photo still from Fight Club

Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk - 1996

The rules of Fight Club.

1. You don't talk about fight club.
2. You don't talk about fight club.
3. When someone says stop, or goes limp, the fight is over.
4. Only two guys to a fight.
5. One fight at a time.
6. They fight without shirts or shoes.
7. The fights go on as long as they have to.
8. If this is your first night at fight club, you have to fight.  – Fight Club, pages 48–50

What has humanity  (especially men) lost in identity and purpose in our postmodern world?  Men have become worker drones with no purpose beyond keeping the system afloat and then death in anonymity without being remembered.  These are some of the male angst issues addressed in Chuck Palahniuk's novel, Fight Club.

I admit I am late to the club.  I never saw the 1999 movie version starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton.  I just read the book for the first time last month.  Nothing I will write here will be really new in the study of this book, but is just my thoughts on the book.


Reclaiming the masculine identity -

What you see at fight club is a generation of men raised by women.

No theme in this book is pushed further than men trying to reclaim their masculinity.  There are other themes of decay/entropy, destruction of the controlling systems, and anarchy, but the first and largest theme is this message of recapturing the male identity.

In the afterword of the book, Palahniuk shared a bit about what inspired him to write Fight Club.

...bookstores were full of books like The Joy Luck Club and The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood and How to Make an American Quilt. These were all novels that presented a social model for women to be together. But there was no novel that presented a new social model for men to share their lives.

So many men live day-to-day without living.  We put in our time, make our money, watch our shows, and slowly die.  Many men want more yet so few men live out loud.  As the character Tyler Durden said when he shared his desire of "... not wanting to die without any scars."

So many men try to make up for this lack of meaning and life by buying the best toys, having the best home, and trying to satisfy their existence with things.

It used to be enough that when I came home angry and knowing that my life wasn't toeing my five-year plan, I could clean my condominium or detail my car.  Someday I'd be dead without a scar and there3 would be a really nice condo and car.  Really, really nice, until the dust settled or the next owner.  Nothing is static.  Even the Mona Lisa  is falling apart.  Since fight club, I can wiggle half the teeth in my jaw.  

Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer.
Tyler never knew his father.
Maybe self-destruction is the answer.

As the main character (never named in the book) and his alter ego Tyler Durden start fight club, they notice the types of guys who need to live a life that breaks the social restraints put on them.

Most guys are at fight club because of something they're too scared to fight.  After a few nights, you're afraid a lot less.  After you've been to fight club, watching football on a television is watching pornography when you could be having great sex."

You aren't alive anywhere like you're alive at fight club... ... Fight club isn't about winning or losing fights.  Fight club isn't about words.  You see a guy come to fight club for the first time, and his ass is a loaf of white bread.  You see the same guy here six months later, and he looks carved out of wood.  This guy trusts himself to handle anything.  There's hysterical shouting in tongues like at church, and you when you wake up Sunday afternoon you feel saved.

Nothing was solved when the fight was over, but nothing mattered.

Tyler attributes this lack of father role models to why these men are seeking out this violent salvation and freedom that comes from giving up control and becoming primal fighters.

The mechanic says, "If you're male and you're Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God.  And if you never know your father, if your father bails out or dies or is never at home, what do you believe about God?
"What you end up doing," the mechanic says, "is the possibility that God doesn't like you.  Could be, God hates us.  This is not the worst thing that can happen."
"Burn the Louvre," the mechanic says, "and wipe your ass with the Mona Lisa.  This way at least, God would know our names." 

I was twenty-seven when this book came out.  I was the same age as the main characters.  I didn't realize it at the time, but I was going through the same worthless spin cycle of life.  I was married, finishing another college degree, and starting professional life.  I felt that as long as I played by the rules and did my tasks, I would be content.  That is far from the truth.  I've played that game for twenty years and while having material comforts I am not satisfied with my life.

This is my world, my world, and those ancient people are dead.

Alcohol and drug addiction specialists emphasize the need of the addict to hit rock bottom to realize how fucked up their life is by addiction.  For the main character to become free, he had to hit rock bottom.  He had to lose all the trappings that made his life comfortably empty.  He had to lose his mind, conscience, and identity and slowly build all of it up to achieve some sense of recovery.  He is both physically and emotionally scarred by the journey.  In the end he is recovering but will never be whole again.

The postmodern man is in tough place that is bursting apart.  Fight Club is an example of the rebellion against the postmodern social constraints put on us.  We have been relegated by many as the evil of all society and can only be worker bees and remain silent.  This goes against our primal urges and needs to be men.  Men  can be violent,  forceful, primal, and protective.  In our history we have used these aggressive traits to commit murder, rape, genocide and racism.  By trying to become enlightened, we also try to repress these base instincts.  We deny their existence and are shocked that by repressing them, they explode in other directions.  I do not support the violence portrayed in this book as a healthy manifestation of restoring masculinity, but I understand the motivations of the characters.

One of the key lessons I learned from this book is that this is my world, right now.  I didn't exist one hundred years ago and will be dead and forgotten one hundred years from now.   I don't need to live the life my forefathers and mothers lived or expect of me.  I am anxious of my future playing out like a worn out cassette tape - ending with silence and thunk.  My life does not need to be meaningful to others, just me.   I am free to live how I want not what is prescribed to me by history, culture, gender, or other limiting factions.

Masculinity - the inverse of feminity?

On Duty

A man’s evolution can only happen when he begins to cultivate a true sense of masculinity that is related to who he is as an individual. Reinventing the masculine identity is not making yourself more feminine; rather, it is striving to become you.  Viewing yourself in an inverse relationship with femininity will not change a thing. [Emphasis Mine] Alec A @ http://thefbomb.org/2010/10/redefining-masculinity/

I really dislike generalizations and stereotypes.  Most of us recognize generalizations paint too wide a picture and inhibit understanding of the individual or group being generalized.  While, once in a while, they are handy as a basic survival tool, we get trapped in them.  One of the traps is the us/them, right wrong aspects of them.  Generalizations often assume opposites are the truth and nothing can exist in the middle.

"Men are the opposite of women." 
"Men are from Mars... " 
"All that guys want is sex." 
"She must be part guy because of how she goes for sex."* 
"Unless it is a competition, men wont care." 

Men are not entirely the opposite of women.  We are all multi-dimensional universes with each direction having its own spectrum of behavior.  Many of these dimensions have nothing to do with gender.  It is our place on each dimension spectrum that defines who we are.  As a man, some of those are gender based and they make me who I am.  I am not the opposite of women, nor the same.  I am Karl and I am the man I am and there are none exactly like me.
 
* A woman told me this about her friend and colleague who is married, has an open relationship, and told her she has made out with a few colleagues.  

X Why? - Why do men jump up to touch things?

*"X Why?" is a new feature at HMR.  It will be a reoccurring column on why men do things.   These answers can range from actions, behaviors, desires, beliefs, and needs.  Most of these answers will come from half-assed, or better, research, specialists, the writer's opinion, and hopefully a little humor (but not afraid to tackle the serious ones as well).  HMR encourages readers to contribute questions and answers to the age-old question - Why do men...?

Today's question - Why do men have to jump up and touch signs, awnings, and other high up objects while walking down the sidewalk?

Very good question.  I do it.  My 75 year old dad does it.  My friend Jim is really good at it.  I have a few theories on this vertical need.

1.  To see if he can do it.   That is probably the best reason.  Guys need to test themselves regularly in physical and mental ways.  These experiments test to check ability, improvement, maintenance, or decline in performances in this skill.  It may be some evolutionary trait we can't suppress because we never know when we may need to jump up and get something out of survival needs.  I have used this ability many times to rescue helium balloons from going into ceiling fans.

2.  To impress friends, family and love interests.  I remember when I discovered I was able to lift heavier things than my dad and my brother, run faster than my friends, and reach higher store awnings than most people.  Being 6'4" really helps with the last one.  My friend Jim, at 5'10" has a higher vertical jump than me, but I can still reach higher up the awning.  As for impressing love interests, what lover doesn't appreciate a guy who can reach "way up there".  If he is good at that, then he must be really good at...

3.  To experience the object.  Babies need to stick things in their mouths to understand them.  Men have to touch them.  This need to touch things includes needing to jump way up and touch the object, even if only for a brief moment.  I truly appreciate the beauty of a store awning by feeling its canvas texture, temperature, and density as my hand slaps it for a brief moment.  I can even tell you what color it is by doing that.   Why do you think men love to caress those they love?

Women, I encourage you to try and do this the next time you walk down the street and see something up there, jump up and touch it.  You may discover the beauty of this simple act.  You will also greatly confuse any men watching you.  Gender transgressions are great for the psyche.

*The title comes from the genetic chromosomes that determine male physical gender, XY.  (Women have XX chromosomes to identify physical gender.)  The chromosomes got their name by their shapes.

Stud vs. Creep vs. Slut: The challenges of being a sexual male in our age.

I read a great editorial at Alternet.org titled, Why Do We Demonize Men Who are Honest about Their Sexual Needs? by Clarisse Thorn  It is one feminist's view on the dangerous corner men are being put into that is full of double standards and unwarranted limitations.  It is the first blatantly open writing I have read from a feminist that explains many of the challenges the modern sexual male faces.  Please read her article before reading the rest of this post.

So how can a man express his sexual needs without being tarred as a creep? After all, the point of promoting sex-positive attitudes is for everyone to be able to be open about their needs and desires, right? [Emphasis mine]

First, I know most of all sexual crimes are perpetrated by men.
Second, I acknowledge the male gaze heavily dominates our pop culture.
Third, I acknowledge and respect the continued struggle for equality and respect of women.

With those disclaimers out there, I have to now share a rant.  As a middle-aged, upper middle-class, heterosexual white male, I am in a group that is easy to dislike, disparage, and disenfranchise.  Much of this comes from the sins of my forefathers who did the same to almost all other groups.  With that historical baggage, many distrust the motives, intentions, and value of what I offer.  This is especially true when discussing sexual desires, needs, and attractions.  If I say I prefer tall, skinny, blond bombshells with pert tushes and big breasts (not actually my preference)*, I can be labeled as a racist, misogynist who perpetuates the dangerous stereotypical ideal that encourages eating disorders and the oppression of alternative looks.   If I share nothing about my preferences I never get what I seek and am accused of not sharing my feelings.  If I share my desires, I am judged on them.

Preferences are things we prefer.  They may be narrow or broad.  They may limit our experiences or make them overly abundant.  I made up a term and call myself a "terravore".  That means I only eat food that comes from above water.  That preference limits me, but it is what I prefer.  I don't like dramatic musicals like Phantom of the Opera.  I prefer musical comedies.  I prefer the music of Dire Straits to the solo works of Mark Knopfler.  If I say I prefer* short, dark-haired Latina women, I am not saying I want to harm all other women and oppress them.  It is just my personal taste and preference in what I find attractive and desirable.  I do not judge poorly others who have different preferences than mine, to each their own.

The pressure put on men to be initiators, yet avoid seeming creepy or aggressive leads to an unpleasant double bind. After all, the same gross cultural pressures that make women into objects force men into instigators; how many women do you know who proposed to their husbands?

It is tough to be an alpha male in our culture, especially in regards to sex and desire. If a man takes the lead, he is an oppressor.  If he doesn't, he is a wimp and is disregarded.

We feminists often say that men's promiscuity is lauded while women's is stigmatized, and one point of this argument is purely linguistic: "stud" is a complimentary word for a promiscuous man, while "slut" is a hurtful word for a promiscuous woman.


The stud vs. slut dichotomy is worth discussing, but it has one flaw: it entirely ignores the word "creep," whose function appears to be restricting male sexuality to a limited, contradictory set of behaviors. [Emphasis mine]

So how can a man express his sexual needs without being tarred as a creep? After all, the point of promoting sex-positive attitudes is for everyone to be able to be open about their needs and desires, right?

As I have mentioned before, I am not my forefathers.  I am not trying to repress your sexuality.  How can I express mine if it is seen as wrong and "creepy"?  The actual content of my desires may be creepy, but the act of expressing it shouldn't be.

Men are under so much pressure to get busy all the time that even when they're having sex, their own pleasure may be less central than meeting the stereotype of how dudes are supposed to get laid. For some men, the stereotypes do kinda represent their desires; for some, the stereotypes don't work at all.

That is the double standard.  There are stereotypes of men that do not apply to all men.  If my desires do not fit into the stereotypical guy's desires, I am labeled as a creep.  Being labeled a "creep" is far worse than a "stud",  "Lothario", "womanizer", etc.  Creeps are in the same group, or a notch above pedophiles in popular culture.  As Thorn writes, " Men are supposed to be insatiable only within those bounds. Men who step outside them -- for example, heterosexual men who are attracted to curvier women, or who like being pegged with a dildo in the butt -- are either mocked or viewed with anxious suspicion."  If women, homosexuals, and other non heterosexual males can explore different sexual avenues of pleasure openly, why can't heterosexual males?

Like most people, men want sex, and that's not a bad thing. Like everyone, men deserve to feel as though their sexuality is hot, awesome, delicious, valuable, and can be pleasurable for all parties in a consensual situation. Just as women shouldn't have to feel exploited when they have consensual sex, men shouldn't have to feel like they're exploiting someone when they have consensual sex. Just as more and more space is being made for forthright discussion of female sexuality, more and more space should be made for forthright discussion of male sexuality.

It's also incumbent upon us to honor each others' boundaries. But this is not a question of limiting or repressing male sexuality, and it shouldn't be framed that way. It should be framed entirely as a question of consent, communication and respect.

AMEN

* I will not share my preferences in beauty and attraction.  It evolves and I don't want to be pinned down.  Being a male, even that declaration makes me sound like an opportunist who wants what ever tickles my momentary fancy.  That is actually far from the truth.