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| This is real. |
NOTE: Ok, I know that I haven't published here since March. This isn't my main blog, but the bastard blog that I put the stuff that is too "raw" for my dainty personality I share in the other one. Today's post is one of those.
I have a theory about run-of-the-mill pornography. It is ruining the richness of masturbation as well as sex. I am not talking about all porn, but the usual stuff that we use to get us hot, keep us going, and aid us to a physical conclusion. It is the stuff many of us use everyday to get us off that I am writing about. How did I come to this theory? I was hit by two realizations in the past few days.
When I first discovered the gift of masturbation as a young teen, all I had was one or two old Playboys and my imagination. I mostly used my imagination. Those magazines provided a springboard for my mind to go wherever I desired and created. Most of the time I made up the whole "event" with a running narrative which I developed over time. This source of arousing material kept going until the 1990s when porn became so readily available via VHS and DVD.
I remember watching my first standard porn video. It was arousing and to the point. No real story or meaning other than watching people fuck. It was much more efficient and expeditious than having to create the whole thing in my mind, but porn back then was still not an everyday thing available at all times. That changed due to the internet.
I've seen my fair share of porn on the internet. Some of it has been the standard cliche stuff that really has no meaning. Other stuff has repulsed me. On the rare occasion I find stuff that is more erotica than porn and that I can even label as art. This stuff usually has context, character, story, narrative, and meaning. The actors have affection for each other and are not just going through the motions. It can be very explicit, but the explicitness is not the point of it, the whole created piece is. Like I said though, this stuff is very rare.
Most porn is the same stuff. Regardless of whether it is straight, gay, bisexual, or whatever, the characters are artificially paired up and they make the fake grunting noises, make the grunting motions that are the same every time, wield the same enormous grunting sex organs, and if involving a guy, usually ends up with the "money shot". There is no real imagination to it.
Maybe I feel this way because I am jaded or have seen too much of it. I don't think so. I have similar feelings for live stage performances. I prefer going to a play, musical, or opera that has a limited run and then the company changes to another production. The acting is rawer, more genuine and sometimes mistakes happen. This makes it more human. As an opposite to this, I've been to stage shows that have been going on for decades with multiple performances every day. The actors no longer have the spark in their eyes. They can perform without even thinking, cry on cue, and hit every note perfectly because they have lived the same story hundreds or thousands of times. Standard porn is like this. The actors do the grunts, make the motions, ejaculate, and the scene ends. They are there just for the paycheck, not the joy of the sex or to create something with meaning.
With all of this standard porn out there, our perceptions of how sex should be falls into boring routines where we don't even care what we are watching. We just consume it to get hard or wet* and then get off. While some viewers may fantasize themselves as the character they relate to most, they use very little imagination beyond that. This is the first part of how porn is ruining masturbation. It is taking the creativity out of it and has no soul.
The second reason I find most habitual porn use is ruining sex and masturbation comes from the intent of it and the techniques used to make it. Most standard porn has the intent to arouse and get the viewer off. Nothing more. It uses the same camera angles that are comprised of the following themes:
- Establishing shot showing both actors complete bodies.
- Close up of the faces of the actors grunting and grimacing.
- Close up genitals being sucked, licked or penetrated with or into.
- The obligatory cum shot. **
I am currently in Miami on a trip. My hotel is a beautiful new one that overlooks the Miami River. My 20th floor room has a private balcony that overlooks the floor and into the private cabanas of the 16th floor swimming pool and lounge area.
Last night I was typing a post for my other blog at around midnight. I noticed a thirty-something beautiful couple slowly stroll around the closed pool area. At one point the lady held her lover's hand and guided him into the cabana that had the least light in it. They then proceeded to make love. I know they were enjoying the sensuality of the warm winter night, the lights of the city, the excitement of the location and the broken boundaries of what and where they were.
I've never been a voyeur before of a live couple making love. Voyeurism of live sex acts is not my fetish and I am not proud of what I did. While I found it very erotic, sensual, and arousing, I also was reminded of what real sex looks like. It isn't two people just "fucking the shit" out of each other. It is lots of kissing, caresses, a few laughs, more of all that, then the two melting into a mutual private moment of deep pleasure and connectedness. It was sensual, soft, aggressive, primal, and real. In real sex, real lovemaking, we aren't "fucking" to make sure the camera catches the long deep fuck penetrations because we aren't doing it for the viewing pleasures of others. In real sex, we make the movements that feel the best for us. It is purely about the "we" in the moment, and not the "they" or the viewer.
When I have sex, I am a direct participant, so I don't really have any idea of what it would look like for someone watching. All I perceive is what I am feeling, hearing, tasting, smelling and seeing. By being an unknown observer, I got to see what real sex looks like. Because it looked familiar to what I enjoy during sex, I could relate to it more. I could feel it and remember those same moments in my life. This was so much more erotic than watching the standard fuck and grunt porn.
This gift of seeing this was a reminder of what (for me) makes sex one of the deepest, most powerful connections (no matter how brief or long lasting the relationship) that two people can share. It reminded me of the beauty of the real thing, but also emphasized that even just enjoying solo moments should be celebrated by experiencing real pleasures and not just watching meaningless thrusting. Sex, and its solo form - masturbation, is similar to food. We can eat the same crappy fast food that lacks taste, care of preparation, and is devoid of nutrition, but is very efficient. While this gets the task of eating done, wouldn't you rather have a thoughtfully prepared meal that is full of flavor and truly satiates the hunger? It may not be as efficient, but it is so much better and more fulfilling.
*I need to acknowledge that most porn viewers using it for masturbatory stimulation are male. There are women who use it for this too on a regular basis, but they are much fewer in numbers.
** I use the crude term "cum shot" because to call it an orgasm or ecstasy is giving it more meaning or value than the porn creators intend of it. They don't care about the beauty of the orgasm, just the proof or evidence that it happened.
